Please remember that you are choosing to read my opinions.

Apparently nothing is safe in West Africa, where "reports of... penis snatching are not uncommon".

I felt it was my duty to warn you of penis stealing sorcerers. We've got to be vigilant, and take the offensive. We've got to head off the enemy over there so they don't come over here and shrink our penises. This is something I think men and women alike can get behind.

I propose a preventative attack on penis stealing sorcerers now, lest sales of Hummers, Obscenely large trucks, and imported sports cars skyrocket. These terrorists are threatening everything we hold dear.