Please remember that you are choosing to read my opinions.

There is a billboard in my town that I see every day. It displays a certain amount of narrow-mindedness that I thought some people here could identify with. It is just one of many billboards the reverend has blessed us with over the years.


The last billboard made much less sense than that. It went something like this:


What the heck is the guy talking about? The billboard had a picture of a baby that was smiling, I’d say it was about 8 months old. Are they talking about terrorism? Abortion? Is this a condition that people suffer from when their mind gets narrow? I've seen the condition quite a lot. I encountered it today on a bulletin board. Someone posted a copy of this:

http://www.tech-sol.net/humor/politics19.htm

I guess that if you are suffering from this narrow mind syndrome it may even be funny. It was mostly alarming to me because it shows disturbing things about the nature of people. I'd like to post a rebuttal.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

I could me mistaken, but isn't HIV the virus? I also could be mistaken about how it is spread, but it was something about bodily fluids. I guess to be a conservative, you have to believe some pretty weird things. Maybe you have to believe that federal funding couldn't possibly help anything at all, especially the spread of HIV.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

It's funny, but the conservatives lost me. Granted, I'm not really up on what I'm supposed to believe according to my political persuasion, but last time I heard the conservatives were all about keeping people stupid. Don't teach them about sex, cut funding for education in general, and make sure to use small words when you want people to agree, big words when you want to impress them, and you have the nation right where you want them. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to the conservative who has a good explanation for why Sex Ed. is bad. Trust me, though. I don't owe you an apology in this case. Then again, the "don't have sex" approach has obviously worked wonders in the past.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

Conservatives have this argument in the bag for one reason: people with guns who haven't shot anyone yet are law-abiding Americans.

If it is liberal to think that guns are bad, it must be conservative to think that the more guns there are, the better things are, even though that is against common sense.

And to be conservative, I guess you have to believe that U.S. NewQueLar weapons technology can kill better than what the Chinese already possess. And you've got to believe they don't possess it, either. Frankly, I'm more afraid of the guy who feels the need to pack a gun that is walking beside me than the bomb in China.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

Education used to be free, too. Federal funding is useful to art programs for various reasons. I don't really feel like explaining that one.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

But, heavens forbid you believe that science isn't agreed on any such thing. Ignore that you hear everyday that scientists are talking about global warming and what can be done to stop it. What could be more convenient than one study that shows global warming is nothing to worry about? Kind of like the gun study cited by gun enthusiasts. It must get really confusing for a conservative when they read about scientists still studying ways to prevent global warming.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

Gender roles are real, and homosexuality is as natural as anything else for some people, I suppose. To me, homosexuality isn't biological, but a result of complex processes. It doesn't really concern me either way. What's the difference? If it is un-natural have you proved anything? Do you realize how many unnatural things people do every day? Natural is a tricky concept when people go to tanning salons even though it is known that it causes cancer and nasty old lady skin.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

I don't support abortion, but I have yet to see a conservative do anything to prevent it that is worth the effort in doing. I'm sure if there were no abortions conservatives would be claiming that federal funding isn't necessary for adoption, foster care, and orphanages. Capital Punishment should be as rare as abortion in my opinion, as should all killing to clean up mistakes and failures and to avoid responsibility. The conservatives think capital punishment is a crime fighter of some sort. I see their need for capital punishment as an admission of the failure of our system. They think wars solve problems. If the problems were really solved, we wouldn't keep dealing with the same issues in the same places over and over again.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity

To be a conservative you have to believe that businesses help everyone, governments create prosperity, and that everything else is coming up roses, too. Businesses do create oppression, but not directly. It is just the nature of the system. Our economy wouldn't prosper they way people tend to think of "prosperity" if there wasn't a certain amount of oppression involved. Government policies affect a lot of things. I think it is funny how a conservative can say that the government has created new jobs, helped the economy, and so on, but can't admit directly that they can create both prosperity and oppression. Hypocrites.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.

If you don't leave Seattle, you aren't out killing the rainforest, are ya? But seriously, this is just an ignorant statement. It isn't an acute observation and is insulting considering the disillusionment required to find this list humorous.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

Sounds like something written by someone who's never been kicked too many times. It's that rose colored glasses attitude. If you don't have self-esteem, you aren't very well going to try to earn it, but this isn't about that. This is most likely about affirmative action, which is admittedly misguided. Strangely, conservatives have yet to come up with any real alternative unless you count segregation. In fact, you could say they just don't care.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

Corrupt politicians? What is this person trying to say? It sounds like they are suggesting that a corrupt politician has been in our White House starting wars. That must be blasphemy or something.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

I always thought the NRA was bad because they were full of crap and peddled lies to people too ignorant to know otherwise. Yeehaw, guns are fun!

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

I'm not going to say that taxes are too low, but has anyone else noticed that budgets are being cut and there is little to show for it? It’s a good thing businesses are prospering... if they are. Little help it does for schools, roads, Medicare, and Medicaid, and whatever else we've given up for democracy, liberty, freedom and red, white and blue balding eagles.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

Who?

Uh...

I wonder what Jefferson would say to this....

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

Standardized tests might not be racist, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t biased because of race, class, and gender differences. I don't think it matters as long as the tests are given fairly, which means that there are no language barriers, that the test is read if requested, and so on. Quite frankly, the results have less to do with the intelligence of the kid than it does with the deficiencies in the education he's received, but conservatives are against a good education, as we've covered.

And on and on it goes. There are five more items on the list, but quite frankly it’s not worth going on. This isn't really meant to be taken seriously, of course. I didn't exactly enjoy wrting about conservatives like I believed that all conservatives are the same. In the nature of the example I was following, I had to assume that this was true. I know there is at least one conservative that isn't so misguided, though I don't think we've had the pleasure of meeting. (Joke!)